Week 2 Fantasy Football Recap by Grant Rice

Cleveland Steamers – 192, Gentle Turtles – 96

Outlined against a blue September sky, the Steamers’ Four Horsemen rode again.  In dramatic lore, they are known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction, and Death.  These are only aliases.  Their real names are Best (52 pts), Forte (18 pts), Johnson (36 pts), and White (21 pts).  They formed the crest of the shit cyclone before which another fighting fantasy team was swept over the precipice.  Yesterday, the cyclone destroyed the defending champion Gentle Turtles, 192 to 96, with a set of skill position stars that ripped and crashed through a strong Turtles fantasy defense with incredible speed and power.  The Turtles got good production out of their backs, Jackson (17 pts) and Tomlinson (14 pts), but they couldn’t match the Steamers’ quartet, who seemed to carry the mixed blood of the tiger and the antelope.  It was a great fantasy team, brilliantly directed… the Turtles have no cause for gloom over their showing.  They played solid football against more skill and power than they could match.  Those who have tackled a cyclone can understand.

Weiner – 94, Karma Wheel – 93

A week after the blockbuster fantasy deal that sent elite WR Greg Jennings to the Blunt Force in exchange for new Packers RB Brandon Jackson, Karma Wheel falls to Weiner in a sloppy game.  Amazingly, had Karma Wheel played Thomas Jones (13 pts) instead of Jackson (11 pts), they would have pulled out the close win.  Instead, behind an all-fantasy team performance from Miles Austin (26 pts), Weiner gritted out a win despite getting nothing from banged-up MoJo Drew.

Clever Team Name – 121, Bear Jews – 92

Clever Team Name’s Fantastic Four led them to an easy win over the Bear Jews, who, despite a name change, are 4-12 in the past two years.  Behind Moreno (21 pts), Rice (16 pts), Jackson (26 pts), and Manning (22 pts), CTN looks to build a win-streak against Breaston Plants in Week 3.  The Bear Jews, on the other hand, need to do something to turn around the squad that has been the doormat of the UAL in recent seasons.

Breaston Plants – 151, Schul – 108

Despite a poor performance by their namesake, the Breaston Plants looked very good in Week 2.  Schaub (32 pts), Gore (35 pts), and Gates (22 pts), were particularly good, but it was a well-rounded performance across the board that got the Breaston Plants to 151.  Portis punched in a couple of 1-yard TDs to save a solid fantasy line (15 pts) and Collie scored in a TD as well.  Schul just didn’t have enough firepower this week to match up.  Even so, it is encouraging for Schul that Sims-Walker notched 25 fantasy points after a goose-egg in week 1.

Slowskies – 135, Bedwetters – 109

When the One Great Scorer comes,

To write against your name,

He marks – not that you won or lost –

But how you played the game.

And this week the Slowskies played the game well.  Their manager took a chance on former fantasy great Michael Vick who gashed a poor Lions defense for 23 fantasy points.  Future Hall-of-Famer Adrian Peterson was fantastic (32 pts) against a supposedly good Miami defense.  Thomas, Clark, and S Moss were all very good, as well. 

Unfortunately for the Bedwetters, who were a popular pick to win the UAL in the pre-season, Chiefs coach Todd Haley isn’t using Flash Charles despite his outrageous numbers.  The Chiefs have two RBs.  Flash has 176 yds on 24 touches (7.3 yds/touch).  Journeyman Thomas Jones has 137 yards on 34 touches (4.0 yds/touch).  Quite the discrepancy.  An angry letter from the Bedwetters manager to Chiefs HQ is in order. 

Drinking a Forte – 116, Ricky’s Blunt Force – 102

The Blunt Force’s loss this week was the result of bad luck as much as it was a result of Drinking a Forte’s solid play.  The Blunt Force got a mere four points out of its NE Defense and Kicker.  Also, 13^th pick Ryan Matthews was injured and left the game after a promising start where he netted 45 yards on 7 touches.  Simultaneously, opposing RB LeSean McCoy had a career game, exploding against a weak Lions defense for 128 total yards and 3 TDs.  This game is likely the kind of aberration that all contenders experience from time to time.  But, make no mistake, after scoring Greg Jennings in exchange for a waiver-wire pickup, the Blunt Force is among the favorites to win the UAL.  For Drinking a Forte, this was a huge win against a tough opponent in a week where Randy Moss was visiting Revis Island.

Week 2 All-Fantasy Team

QB:  Matt Schaub (32 pts)

RB:  Jahvid Best (53 pts)

RB:  LeSean McCoy (35 pts)

WR:  Andre Johnson (36 pts)

WR:  Miles Austin (26 pts)

WR:  DeSean Jackson (26 pts)

TE:  Antonio Gates (23 pts)

Regards,

Grant Rice