Simon @!$%ing Storm: Week 3.

Some laughable, and I mean fucking hysterical matchups this week, so let's not waste any time.

The Gentle Turtles, jesus. The class of the UAL really came to play this week, losing by a dick shriveling 96 points. I haven't seen such a giant beatdown since the Shamwow guy gave that hooker the ol 1-2 teddy. Get it together, and get it together quickly guy.

Schul got the birthday bitchslap from Breaston Plants, but really, who gives a shit; just two irrelevant teams that decided to waste $60. Simon says go fuck yourselves.

In a battle more pathetic than Braylon Edwards, Weiner squeaks one out against Karma Wheel (formerly The Super Nugs or some shit like that, who the fuck cares?) in a battle less riveting than the Cleveland Steamer's beer pong skills. Someone has to win this one, but let's face it, you're both losers.

After two weeks of shit fantasy, a lot of bottom dwellers are beginning to emerge in this league. In fact, I could probably draft a team of waiver wire scrubs and compete with some of you fools. The biggest battle in this league looks like it's going to be for who doesn't have to pay the last place fee, give me a fucking break.

One last note, the Cleveland Steamers actually scored more points this week than Karma Wheel has in the two weeks combined, christ. Reminds me of a joke, with Karma Wheel being the tugboat in this instance.

Q: How did the tugboat get aids?

A: He got rear ended by a ferry.

Might as well just get used to grabbing your ankles KW, gonna be a long season.

Hate filled thoughts,

Tom Simon