Karen Arrington’s Managerial Spotlight: Gentle Turtles

Hello to all my beautiful readers.  My column will consist of me, the luscious Karen Arrington, sitting down and talking with each of the UAL managers to hear their thoughts on not only fantasy football but also life.  This week I chat with the reigning UAL champ, The Gentle Turtles. Bon Appétit.

KA: So GT thanks for agreeing to be the first UAL manager to participate in my spotlight.

GT: No prob Kare Bear I don’t like sloppy seconds.

KA: Ohhhhh is that right?  Is that why you keep yourself in such tip top shape? 

GT:  That is just one of the many reasons.  I’ve been trying really hard to strip The Bear Jews of their title.

KA:  What title is that exactly?

GT:  Everyone always says The Bear Jews have the most abnormally large man boobs, but I really think that mine are now far superior.

KA:  Do you wish that your fantasy team name was the Breaston Plants?

GT:  No No No.  The Breaston Plants are also competing for the UAL’s Largest Manboobs title these days, but that’s all they ever really compete for, and they are notorious for only working out beach muscles since they are guido-esque. 

KA:  You seem kinda cocky.

GT:  Im confident Karen…… confident.  You can be confident when you dominate the UAL like I did last season and win allllll the cash.

KA:  I see.  So what did you do with all of your Super Bowl winnings?

GT:  Well I splurged on some quality products from Whole Foods, my sponsor, everyone should go their instead of the terrible terrible grocery store.  In addition, I bought a yoga mat and was so excited to be able to add to my already awkwardly large sex book collection.  Its so crazy how all the ladies absolutely just love to see my sex books dispensed throughout my house.  It really turns them on.

KA: Hmmmm that’s interesting.  You seem a bit adventurous.

GT:  Well some might say that.  It can be a little dangerous though.  Last weekend I caught the fever.  The JUNGLE FEVER Kare Bare!! Up top!!

KA: (Denies GT’s high five request). Not cool.  So what do you think of your squad this season?

GT:  Well I think we have a great team this year.  My receiving corps is solid, I love watching Brett Favre play in those nice tight Wranglers, and I literally popped a boner when I got to draft Steven Jackson with the 11^th pick.  Uhhhhhhhhhhh god I love being able to draft former Oregon State players.  Karen, I just absolutely lovvvvvveeeee Beaver.  Would you like to go grab a coffee or maybe come sit by my pool later tonight and split a $2 bottle of Walgreen’s best wine?

KA:  (Looks back at the camera.)  Well that’s all the time we have for tonight.  I’d like to thank The Gentle Turtles for their time and I would like to thank The Fantasy Football Free Press for sending me here with multiple body guards.  Good luck to everyone on Sunday.

Karen Arrington