Float Em or Flush Em: Week 1 by Turd Ferguson

Turd Ferguson here, providing my in depth Float Em or Flush Em series.  Follow my advice and you will be making your way to the throne in no time.  Float em or Flush Em will go through each of the UAL squads to identify an unheralded player who should start for the week or a player that needs to ride the pine.

For this first installment, a Float em and Flush em will be provided for each squad.

The Slowskies:
Float em: Tim Hightower - Christopher "Beanie" Wells is questionable with a knee injury. This opens the door for additional touches for little Timmy Hightower versus a sub par Rams squad. Also, Hightower is known for catching screen and swing passes, which is a positive in a PPR league.


Flush em: Hines Ward - The Steelers are going with an inexperienced QB in Dennis Dixon. This means they will be relying heavily on the run game and will only rely on the pass if they fall behind big. On passing plays, I expect Dixon to either check down to the TE or Rbs. If the pocket breaks down, and Dixon can extend the play with his feet, I would anticipate Dixon to look for the speedy Mike Wallace downfield, not Ward.

Drinking a Forte:
Float em: Jerome Harrison - Backup running back Montario Hardesty is out for the season. With no proven backup, Harrison will receive a bulk of the carries versus an unproved Tampa Bay squad.


Flush em: LeSean McCoy - McCoy had decent stats when replacing the injured Brian Westbrook during his rookie year. But with an unproven quarterback the already stout Packers D can afford to put an extra man in the box, making yards for McCoy tough to come by.

Schul:
Float em: C.J. Spiller - With both Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch nursing injuries, Spiller will get an opportunity to carry the load for the Bills. Though the Dolphins have been known to be stingy against the run, Spiller has shown during preseason that he has the burst to take it to the house on any given carry.


Flush em: Matt Ryan - With Roethlesburger out, the Steelers D has decided to take the onus upon themselves to take over this match up. Look for the Steelers D to come out with something to prove (that they can win without Big Ben) and stifle Ryan.

Clever Team Name:
Float em: Knowshon Moreno - Expected to be 100% for the season opener. The Broncos will need to lean heavily on their run game. Their QB is Kyle Orton. Enough said.


Flush em: Lee Evans - Lee Evans is a quality receiver. Unfortunately Evans is at his best when used as a deep threat. Throughout the preseason the Bills O-line could not prove they could provide sufficient time for the QB to get the ball downfield. Also, the QB, Trent Edwards, has yet to prove he can throw an accurate long ball.

Big Ry:
Float em: Heath Miller - Young QBs tend to use the TE position as a security blanket. Though I do expect the Steelers to limit Dennis Dixons pass attempts, when he does throw, look for Dixon to target Miller often.


Flush em: Braylon Edwards - I realize injuries have thinned out the Ravens secondary. But they are still the freakin Ravens. They find a way to get it done. Also, I’m not sold on Mark “Dirty” Sanchez. The Jets will rely heavily on the run game with Shonn Greene and LT, and even if the Dirty can get the ball to Edwards, odds are he drops it.

Ricky’s blunt force:
Float em: Ricky Williams - Look no further than your namesake. Ricky will get his fair share of carries vs. a Bills team that is projected to be the worst in the NFL this year. Expect the Dolphins to run early and often with both Williams and Ronnie Brown getting plenty of touches.


Flush em: Eddie Royal - Royal had a great rookie season, but slumped a bit last year. The big change that occurred . . . Kyle Orton became the starting QB. Enough said.

The Bedwetters:
Float em: Johnny Knox - Knox won the number 1 receiver spot in Chicago, with a gunslinger QB in Cutler throwing in a Mike Martz system. Also, it doesn’t hurt that the Bears are up against the notoriously terrible Lions.


Flush em: Percy Harvin - Percy ‘Migraine’ Harvin missed most of the preseason with migraine headaches. Combine this with the fact that old man Favre is already on the injury list and I can foresee Harvin having a slow start to the season. Don’t expect much from Harvin this week.

Weiner:
Float em: Rob Gronkowski - The UA product showed in preseason that he has the potential to be a dominant player. The Patriots are a pass first team and love using play action in the red zone and looking towards the TEs. Gronkowski has definite boom or bust potential for this week.


Flush em: Mohamed Massaquoi - Jake Delhomme may still be shaken up from that attempted beheading by Ndamukong Suh. He may be hesitant when throwing, causing inaccurate passes and a handful of sacks. Also, Massaquoi has been nursing a hamstring injury, which may hamper his effectiveness in creating separation.

Gentle Turtles:
Float em: Ronnie Brown - As the number one option, Brown will plenty of carries against a woeful Bills team. The only thing that could hurt Brown is if the Dolphins get a large lead early and the coach makes an executive decision to rest Brown to prevent wear and tear and/or injury.


Flush em: Brent Celek - Kevin Kolb is unproven and the Packers have a stout D. I would be wary to expect anything great from Celek this week.

The Bear Jews:
Float em: Rashard Mendenhall - With rookie Denis Dixon behind center, expect the Steelers to run early and often, with Mendenhall getting the bulk of the carries. Also, it doesn’t hurt that the O Coordinator came out and announced Mendenhall as the teams goal line back, so no need to worry about vultures.


Flush em: Steve Smith - It is very dangerous to put so many eggs in one basket. If the Giants do not put up points, you are screwed. Expect Eli to target the lankier Nicks more often, leaving Smith as the odd man out. If you are going to get a bunch of receivers on one team, go for a more pass proficient squad.

Breaston Plants:
Float em: Steve Breaston - Look for the Cardinals to try and prove they made the right decision by keeping Derek Anderson. Expect a good amount of passes, with Breaston both stretching the field and going over the middle. That’s one tough Son of a Bitch.


Flush em: Christopher “Beanie” Wells - Beanie has not practiced all week. Don’t expect the Cardinals to risk further injuring a promising young back versus the Rams. Wells will get spot duty at best this week.

Cleveland Steamers:
Float em: Mike Williams - Tampa Bay is not known for their great passing attack, but Williams has shown he has great potential and has quickly moved to the top of the depth chart at WR. Expect decent numbers versus a poor Browns D.


Flush em: Jabar Gaffney - Jacksonville has had a quality D for a few years. I do not expect a huge drop-off this year. Gaffney has been in the league for a while now and has not stood out as a stud receiver. Combine that with the fact that he has Kyle Orton as his QB. He better hope Tim Tebow will be resurrected from the bench in which he sits to rise and bring the Broncos to the promise land. Enough said.



Time for a Swirly,



-Turd Ferguson