Week 1 UAL Fantasy Recap by Grant Rice

Cleveland Steamers – 145, Weiner – 109

In a week where the great Andre Johnson put up only six points, you would expect the Steamers to have a tough time.  You would be wrong.  Behind big lines from Tom Brady, Roddy White, Jahvid Best, and a resurgent Matt Forte, the Steamers were the best team in the league.  Miles Austin caught 10 balls for 146 yards but Weiner just couldn’t keep pace with the red-hot Steamers.

Gentle Turtles – 104, Clever Team Name – 85

This one came down to Monday night.  The Turtles had a slight lead after Sunday’s games.  Both squads had a Ravens player.  Ray Rice was always going to have a tough time against the legendary Jets defense, but CTN had a right to expect more than a paltry 8 points.  The Gentle Turtles, though, lucked out as Anquan Boldin came back from Revis Island early and notched 18.

Schul – 118, Bear Jews – 115

The closest game of the week came down to David Buhler’s missed 39 yard field goal against the Redskins.  If not for some puzzling personnel decisions, though, the Bear Jews would have rolled.  The Bear Jews sat QB1 Eli Manning (16 pts) and Hakeem Nicks (30 pts) in favor of Alex Smith (5 pts) and unproven Devin Aromashodu (12 pts).   Schul, on the other hand, made a great move benching Matt Ryan (8 pts) for Vince Young (15 pts), to lock up the win despite a goose egg from Mike Sims-Walker.

Slowskies – 123, Breaston Plants – 104

Despite a big performance from his squad’s namesake, The Breaston Plants couldn’t get it done.  Schaub (6 pts), Burleson (3 pts), and Portis (7 pts) all played poorly.  The Slowskies, however, got strong performances across the board en route to racking up 123 fantasy points.  Dallas Clark was very good (25 pts) justifying his third-round selection.  Teams with turtle logos are 22-12 since 2009.  The turtle is a powerful fantasy symbol, boys.  Get on the bus.

Bedwetters – 103, Drinking a Forte – 96

The Bedwetters trailed Drinking a Forte heading into Monday night.  Then, Flash Charles struck for a 59-yard TD run.  Drinking a Forte was toast.  Carson Palmer (23 pts) and Reggie Wayne (23 pts) also did well to keep The Bedwetters in the game heading into Monday.   Drinking a Forte’s top two picks, Moss (11 pts), and Brees (13 pts), underperformed and left the door open.  My prediction:  Drinking a Forte is cursed until they either trade for Matt Forte or change their team name.  May I suggest Cool Brees?

Ricky’s Blunt Force – 140, Big Ry – 91

Welcome to fantasy superstardom Arian Foster!  After a fine week 1 performance, you have probably solidified yourself on the Blunt Force’s front line but perhaps next week an uninspiring Ryan Matthews will be looking over his shoulder at the squad’s veteran namesake.  This was a an old-fashioned whipping.  Big Ry got nothing from his first two picks, highly touted RBs, Shonn Greene (2 pts) and Michael Turner (6 pts).  With Greene’s future as the No. 1 back in New York uncertain, Big Ry can at least take some solace in Welker’s fine performance.  The PPR beast sure looks like he’s at 100%.

Week 1 Fantasy MVP: Arian Foster: 33 carries for 231 yards, 1 catch for 7 yards, 45 fantasy points

Best of luck in Week 2.

Regards,

Grant Rice