Float Em or Flush Em: Week 4 by Turd Ferguson

Float em or flush em will go through each squad to identify an unheralded player who should start for the week or a player that needs to ride the pine.

The Slowskies:
Float em: Donovan McNabb - McNabb is out to prove the Eagles made a mistake when they traded him. Look for McNabb to have a big game.

Drinking a Forte:
Flush em: Mario Manningham - The Bears Defense has really stepped it up over the past few weeks. Hester may be the better option against a banged up Giants secondary.

Nevermore:
Flush em: Mike Sims-Walker - Sims-Walker has been a disappointment thus far this year. The entire Jags offense has been dismal. The Colts are known for their pass rush and preventing the big play down field. Let Dims-Walker ride the pine for this week.

Clever Team Name:
Flush em: Knowshon Moreno - Moreno may not play again this week because of a sore hamstring. Even if Moreno does dress, he will have to share carries with the newly acquired Maroney and the veteran Buckhalter against a stingy run defense in Tennessee. 

Karma Wheel:
Flush em: Brandon Jackson - Jackson did not impress in his start last week versus the bears. He danced behind the line of scrimmage far too often and was not as effective as the converted fullback Kuhn. If you are going to play Shonn Greene at all, this is the week to do it when he plays in Buffalo.

Ricky’s blunt force:
Float em: Ryan Matthews - Mathews was out last week with a sprained ankle, but reports are that he has been practicing fully and will start for the Chargers this week at home against the Cardinals. The Cardinals defense has been doing their best impersonation of swiss cheese (holes everywhere) so expect the Chargers Offense to rack up the rushing yards, with Matthews receiving the bulk of the carries.

The Bedwetters:
Flush em: Lawrence Maroney - Maroney has been less than stellar this year. He played his way out of New England, and has not proven anything thus far in Denver. Do not anticipate a breakout game against a quality run defense in Tennessee. You may have a better chance starting Leon Washington versus a porous Rams squad.

Weiner:
With several players on a bye week and a shitty bench, it is far too obvious who should be playing for Weiner. I refuse to waste my time making a pick for this squad. Advice - do a trade or check the waiver wire. Get some talent up in this mug!

Gentle Turtles:
Flush em: Steven Jackson - The graoin strain suffered by Jackson may keep him out this week versus the Seahawks. Expect the Rams to be cautious with their star back. Expect minimal carries at best for Jackson this week.

The Bear Jews:
Float em: Brandon Lloyd - Lloyd has become a favorite target of the neck beard. With the Broncos running game not performing up to expectations, expect a fair share of pass attempts for the donkeys. Lloyd should see several passes come his way.

Breaston Plants:
Float em: Lance Moore - Moore proved he can be a beast, having a huge statistical game last week. Anticipate a repeat performance this week against the winless Panthers.

Cleveland Steamers:
Flush em: Andre Johnson - a top 3 wide receiver, some may argue the best in the game. Unfortunately, Johnson is hobbled by a bum ankle and is going against arguably the best corner in Nnamdi Asomuha, who held Larry Fitzgerald to 2 catches last week. It may been painful, but the smart move is to bench the star.




Til your next bowel movement.

Turd Ferguson

Week 3 Fantasy Football Recap by Grant Rice

Nevermore – 114, Bedwetters – 96

The Bedwetters’ Flash & Dash backfield that looked so strong in the pre-season is a complete mess.   Dash is suffering from the general awfulness of the Carolina Panthers, while Flash, despite an outstanding yds/touch number (8.2), is still getting fewer carries than the pedestrian Thomas Jones.  Nevermore’s backs were simply better in this game and it was decisive.  I don’t think there can be any doubt, after last week’s blockbuster trade, that Nevermore has the best backfield in the league.  The question in coming weeks will be whether Rice and Johnson can compensate for Nevermore’s very weak WR corps.

Slowskies – 174, Ricky’s Blunt Force – 90

The Slowskies played above their heads (and their yahoo projection) for the third straight week and leveled the Blunt Force by an astonishing 84 points.  Some doubted the Slowskies’ manager when he picked up a third QB off the waiver wire, but Michael Vick (33 pts) has been nothing short of spectacular.  The Blunt Force got poor performances across the board.  Only Aaron Rodgers lived up to expectations (25 pts) and he was still outplayed by Vick.  Peterson (38 pts), S Moss (22 pts), and R Williams (29 pts) also played well for the Slowskies.

Karma Wheel – 136, Drinking a Forte – 104

After scoring a controversial win over Weiner in Week 2, the Karma Wheel rolls on.  They beat Drinking a Forte easily, behind Rivers (23 pts), Welker (16 pts), and Edwards (18 pts).  Going forward, though, things will get tougher for the Wheel.  The Burner looks good but how long will he stay healthy?  At RB2, there is a gaping hole after Shonn Greene’s poor early effort.    At WR, Welker will continue to produce but Edwards will not be a viable #2 when Santonio Holmes returns in Week 5, and I predict Maclin will put up inconsistent numbers.  Maybe 25 one week, but only 4 the next.  This week, Drinking a Forte got a poor effort from his backs, but look for them to improve in coming weeks.

Gentel Turtles – 117, Weiner – 95

Turtle logos are now 25-13 since the beginning of last season.  Look for struggling managers to get on the Turtle bus over the course of the season.  It was a Raven that facilitated this Turtle’s victory over hapless Weiner.  Anquan Boldin has emerged as Joe Flacco’s favorite target.  Against the Browns, he caught 8 balls on 11 targets for 142 yards, 3 TDs, and, most importantly, 42 fantasy points.  This allowed the Turtles to eke out a relatively close win in a week where SJax went down with an injury.

Bear Jews – 124, Cleveland Steamers – 112

In the upset of the week, the Bear Jews overcame the OPR #1 Cleveland Steamers thanks to 248 rushing yards and 2 TDs combined from Mendenhall and McFadden and an injury to last week’s breakout performer Jahvid Best, who notched only 6 pts for the Steamers.  The Steamers, flying high after smashing the Gentle Turtles in Week 2, have been brought low by injuries.  The fate of their season will largely depend on Best’s toe and Johnson’s ankle.  On the other side of the ball, the Bear Jews got a huge win.  They have now have as many wins (1) as they had through 9 weeks last year.  Look for them to double that total next week against Weiner whose Romo to Austin connection will be on bye.

Breaston Plants – 177, Clever Team Name – 139

In a second straight big week, the Breaston Plants who got massive production from Austin Collie.  The Colts slot receiver caught 12 balls for 171 yards and two touchdowns.  Gore (24 pts), Gates (24 pts), and Marshall (35 pts) were also very good.  This was a tough loss for CTN.  Most weeks, 139 fantasy points will be enough to get the win.  Their fantasy defensive coordinator will be on the hot seat in Week 4.

Week 3 All-Fantasy Team

QB: Michael Vick (291 passing yards, 3 passing TDs, 30 rushing yards, 1 rushing TD, 33 fantasy pts)

RB: Adrian Peterson (23 carries, 160 yards, 5 catches, 30 yards, 2 TDs, 38 fantasy pts)

RB: Chris Johnson (32 carries, 125 yards, 2 TDs, 27 fantasy pts)

WR: Austin Collie (12 catches, 171 yards, 43 fantasy pts)

WR: Anquan Boldin (8 catches, 142 yards, 42 fantasy pts)

WR: Brandon Marshall (10 catches, 166 yards, 1 TD, 35 pts)

TE: Antonio Gates (7 catches, 109 yards, 1 TD, 24 fantasy pts)

Til Next Week,

Grant Rice

Karen Arrington’s Managerial Spotlight: The Slowskies

Good morning once again to all of my beautiful readers.  Fortunately, we were able to get the restraining order processed against the Gentle Turtles late last night.  So contrary to what ESPN was reporting, I am alive, and I was able to leave the safe house today to interview my next guest, The Slowskies.

KA: Thanks for agreeing to let me come over today and chat with you.

Slowskies: Your welcome.

KA: Umm, yeah, I must say you have a very beautiful home.

Slowskies: Well thank you Karen, I’m glad you were so eager to come over because I really don’t like having to go to new places.

KA: (puzzled) Oh really why is that exactly?

Slowskies: Well lets just say I have a really bad sense of direction and would have had to call you at least five times to figure out how to get there. 

KA:  Is that why when I called you for directions you handed the phone to your girlfriend?

Slowskies: Yes…. that and she can be quite stern with me and she put on her mean face when she heard a girls voice that wasn’t my mothers.

KA:  (rolls eyes) I see, well how does it feel to be 2 and 0 and in second place after all of the Fantasy Football Free Press writers were dissing your team in the preseason and had you ranked 11^th?

Slowskies:  It feels really nice.

KA: (Pauses during awkard silence) Ummm, right.  Is everything ok?

Slowskies: Yes.

KA: Yeahhh, umm, ok.  Would you like to take a couple shots or something to loosen the mood and tension?

Slowskies: Sure.

(Slowskies and KA walk to kitchen and take 5 shots each)

KA: Whow that So-Co gave me quite the head rush.

Slowskies: Wooooooooooo! That’s right crazy Kare kare! They don’t call me Wild Slowskies* for nothing!!

KA:  (Laughs genuinely hard) Hahaha.  That’s the spirit.  How did you earn the nickname Wild Slowskies*?

Slowskies: You see Karen back in the day I use to get crazier than errbody.  I could table dive with the best of em, I would try and fuck bitches on the lawn, and when the pooooolice messed with me, WHEN THEY MESSED WITH ME KAREN, I just gave em my Cat Card and told em, “Yo Im Wild Slowskies, we gonna keep on ridin’ dirty.”

KA: (now drunk) Whowww you are so cool.  How were you able to party sooooo much and sooooo hard?

Slowskies:  Do you want to know the secret Kare Kare?

KA: Definitely.

Slowskies: I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET KARE KARE?!!?

KA: HELL YEAH!! WHATS YOUR SECRET WILD SLOWSKIES?

Slowskies:  That’s better Kare.  The secret to my world-renowned partying skills is….  Are you sure you can handle this?

KA: (On the edge of her seat) Please Wild Slowskies*, please enlighten me…

Slowskies: Ok…. The Secret is…. To………drink…………asssss….. slowwwwwwwwwww as possible.

KA: (Really drunk and confused)  Huh?  That’s your secret?

Slowskies: That’s right Karen.  I am the slowest drinker in history.  That’s why I named my Fantasy Football Franchise The Slowskies, and that’s why we are as talented as we are.

KA: That’s pretty interesting.  What else are you talented at?

Slowskies: Well Karen besides being a fantasy football genius, world renowned slow drinking party animal, and halo specialist.  I am absolutely amazing sports bettor.

KA:  Oh yeah.  Whats the most money you ever lost in a sports bet?

Slowskies:  Welll I don’t lose often.  However, this one time, I got completely screwwwwwwwedddddddd by the entire USA nation when I bankrolled it betting that the American Idol winner would be David Archuleta.  I usually don’t listen to others but unfortunately for my bankroll and family,  I bet everything I had on Archuleta. I should have never ever listened to the Breaston Plants.  In general, my life would be much easier if I had never met the Breaston Plants.

KA:  (holds mouth as she is about to vomit, swallows)  Buuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh, I gotta go puke.  Im sorry I got to cut the interview short but Im not sure if I just had way too much shitty So Co or if the memories of Archuleta getting robbed by David Fuck Bag Cook are making me sick.

(vomits)

Slowskies:  Well Karen don’t feel bad most people can’t keep up with Wild Slowskies*.  Im gonna go make the rounds and see if I can find my girlfriend laying out in the back yard.

Wild Slowskies* means Wild First name of the Slowskies. You guys know what that is.

Karen Arrington

UAL Week 3 Fantasy Football Preview

**GAME OF THE WEEK**

Ricky’s Blunt Force (OPR 3) vs The Slowskies (OPR 2)

Yahoo Projected: Ricky’s Blunt Force 122 vs The Slowskies 128

The stage is set for this week’s **Game of the Week** as Ricky’s Blunt Force looks to not only snap The Slowskies undefeated streak but also overtake them in the UAL Official Power Rankings.  The two highest Week 3 Yahoo projected fantasy-scoring lineups square off at sunset for what should be nothing short of an old-fashioned shoot out.

A QB controversy has emerged amongst The Slowksies management, as they own three QBs that all have favorable Week 3 matchups.  When asked who The Slowskies would start this week, Slowskies management replied, “Smoke em if you got em” and then proceeded to explain how they look to jump on the Vick Stick and ride it all night long.

In a bizarre set of Waiver Wire events, The Bear Jews used their higher waiver wire priority to pick up Darren Sproles over Matthews true replacement, Mike Tolbert.  This mistake allowed RBF to handcuff the banged up Matthews with Tolbert, who should have a big week versus the Seahawks as Matthews looks as if he will be riding the pine the entire game in Week 3.

This should be a really close match.  However, I am going to have to give the slight edge to The Slowskies this week, as their studs all have juicy juicy juicy matchups.  If for some reason Andre Johnson retweaks his ankle and is limited on Sunday then maybe Foster could get a lot more work, however, as of now I feel that he is over projected as the Texans should be looking to go to the air instead of the ground versus the Dallas defense. 

The Bedwetters (OPR 6) vs Nevermore (OPR 5)

Yahoo Projected: Bedwetters 108 vs Nevermore 114

During the Week Shul made what appears to be a favorable trade, as he now owns the best backfield in the UAL.  In honor of the newly aquired Raven, Shul changed the name of his franchise from Shul to Nevermore (still arguably the gayest name in the league).  Look for Ray Rice to have a bender of a welcoming party, as he should go nuts in Week 3 against the beat down Browns.  The Bedwetters have managed to stay in the top half of the UAL due to how good they look on paper, but it is imperative that they find away to motivate there players as soon as possible.

Cleveland Steamers (OPR 1) vs The Bear Jews (OPR 11)

Yahoo Projected: Cleveland Steamers 115 vs The Bear Jews 109

In Week 3, The 2-0 Cleveland Steamers look to stay undefeated versus the 0-2 Bear Jews.  The Cleveland Steamers have put up back to back monster weeks, as the have beaten their opponents by an average of 66 points per game.  However, the Bear Jews should not be underestimated this week as Mendenhall goes up against the Bucs and McFadden gets to go against the cowardly Cardinals.  In addition, the Steamers first overall pick, Andre Johnson is questionable this week as he hurt his ankle during the Week 2 overtime thriller.  The edge for now goes towards The Steamers, but if Andre Johnson is severely limited with his injury then The Bear Jews do become the favorite in this matchup.  The Steamers have been getting great production out of their late drafted backfield, and will need Forte (vs Packers), and Best (vs Minnesota) to find a way to step up once again.

Weiner (OPR 10) vs The Gentle Turtles (OPR 7)

Yahoo Projected: Weiner 111 vs Gentle Turtles 108

Look for Weiner to grab his first win of the season this week versus the reigning champ.  The Gentle Turtles look great on paper but have had a rocky start to the 2010 season.  Favre will spend most of Sunday handing off and then giving Adrian Peterson some quality butt slaps as he runs all over the Lions.  Weiner should be able to wake MJD up this week, as he still needs to prove why he was taken #3 overall.  Romo will find Austin early and often this Sunday, and the Cowboy duo will be The Gentle Turtles downfall.

Breaston Plants (OPR 4) vs Clever Team Name (OPR 9)

Yahoo Projected: Breaston Plants 122 vs Clever Team Name 109

The Breaston Plants are quite titillated because on Monday they were wary of having to go against Ray Rice vs Cleveland and Knownshon Moreno vs the Colts, but now all they are up against is Benson and Buckhalter.  The Breaston Plant’s backfield has some tasty matchups and with CTN’s stud wideout, Larry Fitzgerald, being shadowed by Asomugha, Breaston Plants should win quite easily this week.

   

Drinking a Forte (OPR 8) vs Karma Wheel (OPR 12)

Yahoo Projected: 112 vs Karma Wheel 110

It is obvious that Karma Wheel’s management is lacking discipline, evident by Braylon Edwards recent DUI and hobo like beard.  Drinking a Forte will capitalize on all of the recent media distractions surrounding Karma Wheel and wins by 7.




Good luck to everyone in Week 3.

The Commish

UAL Official Power Rankings: Week 3

UAL fans, the Week 3 UAL Official Power Rankings have been calculated and here they are.

The Cleveland Steamers continue to dominate as they earn first place votes from all voting parties, the first team to do so all season.  Congrats to The Slowskies who have jumped from 11th place in week 1, to 6th place in week 2, all the way up to 2nd place in Week 3.  The Gentle Turtles continue to slide, as the preason #1 has fallen all the way to 7th in the OPR and 10th place in the UAL.  The Breaston Plants also make a big statement this week as they climb to #4 following their big Week 2 win and large fantasy production.

Kincaid Korner: Week 3

Kincaid's Top 25 Fantasy Players
1. Chris Johnson
2. Adrian Peterson
3. Maurice Jones-Drew
4. Ray Rice
5. Frank Gore
6. Michael Turner
7. Andre Johnson
8. Reggie Wayne
9. Arian Foster
10. Miles Austin
11. Peyton Manning
12. Rashard Mendenhall
13. Drew Brees
14. Steven Jackson
15. Aaron Rodgers
16. DeAngelo Williams
17. Jahvid Best
18. LeSean McCoy
19. Roddy White
20. Pierre Thomas
21. Calvin Johnson
22. Antonio Gates
23. Dallas Clark
24. Tom Brady
25. Randy Moss

Off the list:  Ryan Matthews, Brandon Marshall, Shonn Greene, Jamaal Charles

Once again, Chris Johnson starts off our list as the best player in the league.  Frank Gore moves up one spot after a nice week and a little bit of an injury for Turner.  Andre Johnson proved this week why he is the top receiver on the list.  Arian Foster continues to play well and has found himself in the top 10.  Also making his debut in the top 10 is receiver Miles Austin, who looks like he will be one of the strongest fantasy players to own this year.  Peyton Manning takes over as the top QB after another good week.  Jahvid Best and LeSean McCoy make their debuts into the top 25, each looking strong in their latest effort.  A couple tight ends have even graced the list with their presence.  Comes as no surprise that it would be these two, especially Gates, who looks to be the top target for the Chargers this year.  Rounding out the list is Randy Moss.  We will give him another week to prove he belongs before he gets the boot. Look for Ryan Matthews to make his way back to the list at some point this year, but with the injury he has fallen off for the time being.  Shonn Greene gets the boot with the resurgence of veteran back L.T.

That's it for now folks.  See you back here same time next week.

Kris Kincaid

Float Em or Flush Em: Week 3 by Turd Ferguson

Float em or flush em will go through each squad to identify an unheralded player who should start for the week or a player that needs to ride the pine.

The Slowskies:
Float em: Miami - Suck it up and go against your gut this week. Minnesota’s D is not as dominant as it once was and Detroit’s Offense has improved drastically with the play of stars Calvin Johnson and Jahvid Best. Miami is the second highest scoring Defense thus far and they are playing against a Jets offense that has yet to prove themselves. Expect the Fins to hit Sanchez in the mouth a few time and cause a couple turnovers.

Drinking a Forte:
Float em: Devin Hester - Hester seems to have finally grasped the Wideout position. He is the #1 option in Chicago. Forget about Meachem, who is the 3rd option in NO, and insert Hester in to your lineup.

Schul:
Flush em: Carnell Williams - The Steelers Defense is scary good. There will be little to no room to run, so don’t expect Cadillac to get out of first gear.

Clever Team Name:
Float em: Derrick Mason - The revamped Ravens Offense was embarrassed last week, with Flacco throwing for 4 INTs. Expect the Ravens to come out to prove last week was an aberration and rack up the points versus an unimposing Browns D.

Karma Wheel:
Flush em: Shonn Greene - Why do you still have this fool on your roster. The only way Greene will become a player worthy of a roster spot is if LT goes down with an injury. Just suck it up, admit your second round pick is a complete bust and drop the guy. 

Ricky’s blunt force:
Float em: Legadu Naanee - The Chargers offense is starting to fins a rhythm. San Diego will continue to roll this week against the Seahawks, members of the NFC Worst division. Naanee should get plenty of looks this week.

The Bedwetters:
Flush em: Demaryius Thomas - Thomas was a quality waiver wire pickup. However, it would be foolish to bench Malcom Floyd for Thomas this week. Thomas is going up against the Colts, who love to get after the QB and are good at it. Cutler is not known for making great throws in the face of pressure. Floyd is going against a sub par Seahawk Defense and is part of an offense that loves to throw the ball. Don’t be a fool.

Weiner:
Float em: Mike Thomas - With Mike Sims-Walker getting most of the attention, the sure handed Thomas has been the beneficiary of single coverage. The Eagles gave up plenty of yards last week. Bench the underperforming Mike Wallace in favor of Thomas this week. Or bank on Charlie Batch throwing to one of your receivers. Your Choice.

Gentle Turtles:
Flush em: Brett Favre - Favre needs to figure it out soon. He looks like an old man out there. Freeman is your QB of the future, but not a good start vs. the Steelers. I do not see a viable QB option for the Gentle Turtles this week. Look in to the waiver wire. Get your shit together or hope your strong core of backs and receivers can carry you through the week.

The Bear Jews:
Float em: Darren McFadden - The Cardinals got torched by the run last week against the Falcons 3rd string back. McFadden is the clear number 1 in Oakland. Barring an unforeseen injury, expect McFadden to fin the holes in the Cardinals Swiss Cheese Defense.

Breaston Plants:
Float em: Jay Cutler - Cutler may finally be grasping Mike Martz’s offense. The offense runs through Cutler. Even most of the ‘run’ plays are quick passes. Cutler gets credit for everything. Play the man.

Cleveland Steamers:
Flush em: Mike Williams - The Steelers do not give up many Touchdowns. Don’t expect to get one here. You have a better chance starting Louis Murphy versus the Cardinals secondary.




Thats it for Week 3.  


Float on,

Turd Ferguson

Simon @!$%ing Storm: Week 3.

Some laughable, and I mean fucking hysterical matchups this week, so let's not waste any time.

The Gentle Turtles, jesus. The class of the UAL really came to play this week, losing by a dick shriveling 96 points. I haven't seen such a giant beatdown since the Shamwow guy gave that hooker the ol 1-2 teddy. Get it together, and get it together quickly guy.

Schul got the birthday bitchslap from Breaston Plants, but really, who gives a shit; just two irrelevant teams that decided to waste $60. Simon says go fuck yourselves.

In a battle more pathetic than Braylon Edwards, Weiner squeaks one out against Karma Wheel (formerly The Super Nugs or some shit like that, who the fuck cares?) in a battle less riveting than the Cleveland Steamer's beer pong skills. Someone has to win this one, but let's face it, you're both losers.

After two weeks of shit fantasy, a lot of bottom dwellers are beginning to emerge in this league. In fact, I could probably draft a team of waiver wire scrubs and compete with some of you fools. The biggest battle in this league looks like it's going to be for who doesn't have to pay the last place fee, give me a fucking break.

One last note, the Cleveland Steamers actually scored more points this week than Karma Wheel has in the two weeks combined, christ. Reminds me of a joke, with Karma Wheel being the tugboat in this instance.

Q: How did the tugboat get aids?

A: He got rear ended by a ferry.

Might as well just get used to grabbing your ankles KW, gonna be a long season.

Hate filled thoughts,

Tom Simon

Week 2 Fantasy Football Recap by Grant Rice

Cleveland Steamers – 192, Gentle Turtles – 96

Outlined against a blue September sky, the Steamers’ Four Horsemen rode again.  In dramatic lore, they are known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction, and Death.  These are only aliases.  Their real names are Best (52 pts), Forte (18 pts), Johnson (36 pts), and White (21 pts).  They formed the crest of the shit cyclone before which another fighting fantasy team was swept over the precipice.  Yesterday, the cyclone destroyed the defending champion Gentle Turtles, 192 to 96, with a set of skill position stars that ripped and crashed through a strong Turtles fantasy defense with incredible speed and power.  The Turtles got good production out of their backs, Jackson (17 pts) and Tomlinson (14 pts), but they couldn’t match the Steamers’ quartet, who seemed to carry the mixed blood of the tiger and the antelope.  It was a great fantasy team, brilliantly directed… the Turtles have no cause for gloom over their showing.  They played solid football against more skill and power than they could match.  Those who have tackled a cyclone can understand.

Weiner – 94, Karma Wheel – 93

A week after the blockbuster fantasy deal that sent elite WR Greg Jennings to the Blunt Force in exchange for new Packers RB Brandon Jackson, Karma Wheel falls to Weiner in a sloppy game.  Amazingly, had Karma Wheel played Thomas Jones (13 pts) instead of Jackson (11 pts), they would have pulled out the close win.  Instead, behind an all-fantasy team performance from Miles Austin (26 pts), Weiner gritted out a win despite getting nothing from banged-up MoJo Drew.

Clever Team Name – 121, Bear Jews – 92

Clever Team Name’s Fantastic Four led them to an easy win over the Bear Jews, who, despite a name change, are 4-12 in the past two years.  Behind Moreno (21 pts), Rice (16 pts), Jackson (26 pts), and Manning (22 pts), CTN looks to build a win-streak against Breaston Plants in Week 3.  The Bear Jews, on the other hand, need to do something to turn around the squad that has been the doormat of the UAL in recent seasons.

Breaston Plants – 151, Schul – 108

Despite a poor performance by their namesake, the Breaston Plants looked very good in Week 2.  Schaub (32 pts), Gore (35 pts), and Gates (22 pts), were particularly good, but it was a well-rounded performance across the board that got the Breaston Plants to 151.  Portis punched in a couple of 1-yard TDs to save a solid fantasy line (15 pts) and Collie scored in a TD as well.  Schul just didn’t have enough firepower this week to match up.  Even so, it is encouraging for Schul that Sims-Walker notched 25 fantasy points after a goose-egg in week 1.

Slowskies – 135, Bedwetters – 109

When the One Great Scorer comes,

To write against your name,

He marks – not that you won or lost –

But how you played the game.

And this week the Slowskies played the game well.  Their manager took a chance on former fantasy great Michael Vick who gashed a poor Lions defense for 23 fantasy points.  Future Hall-of-Famer Adrian Peterson was fantastic (32 pts) against a supposedly good Miami defense.  Thomas, Clark, and S Moss were all very good, as well. 

Unfortunately for the Bedwetters, who were a popular pick to win the UAL in the pre-season, Chiefs coach Todd Haley isn’t using Flash Charles despite his outrageous numbers.  The Chiefs have two RBs.  Flash has 176 yds on 24 touches (7.3 yds/touch).  Journeyman Thomas Jones has 137 yards on 34 touches (4.0 yds/touch).  Quite the discrepancy.  An angry letter from the Bedwetters manager to Chiefs HQ is in order. 

Drinking a Forte – 116, Ricky’s Blunt Force – 102

The Blunt Force’s loss this week was the result of bad luck as much as it was a result of Drinking a Forte’s solid play.  The Blunt Force got a mere four points out of its NE Defense and Kicker.  Also, 13^th pick Ryan Matthews was injured and left the game after a promising start where he netted 45 yards on 7 touches.  Simultaneously, opposing RB LeSean McCoy had a career game, exploding against a weak Lions defense for 128 total yards and 3 TDs.  This game is likely the kind of aberration that all contenders experience from time to time.  But, make no mistake, after scoring Greg Jennings in exchange for a waiver-wire pickup, the Blunt Force is among the favorites to win the UAL.  For Drinking a Forte, this was a huge win against a tough opponent in a week where Randy Moss was visiting Revis Island.

Week 2 All-Fantasy Team

QB:  Matt Schaub (32 pts)

RB:  Jahvid Best (53 pts)

RB:  LeSean McCoy (35 pts)

WR:  Andre Johnson (36 pts)

WR:  Miles Austin (26 pts)

WR:  DeSean Jackson (26 pts)

TE:  Antonio Gates (23 pts)

Regards,

Grant Rice